As a first grader I remember it all too well.
Maybe a bit dramatic for a little girl that young, but my emotions were real and tucked away in the jewelry box of a child’s heart for years.
I’ve never looked at myself through the lens of vanity, but I noticed early on that girls with more friends than me were blonde, blue eyed with flawless skin.
I faced the mirror with red hair, green eyes and a face full of freckles; and as a student in the first grade, I also wept at the sight of a few missing teeth.
Kids are cruel to each other, especially when your hair is red, or strawberry blonde as they called it back then, with green eyes and freckles to match.
As a young girl I sobbed an ocean many times before the Lord,
“Why did you make me this way?”
But God is a God who sees.
(Genesis 16:13)
I didn’t understand at this early age how God made me fearfully and wonderfully, formed and created in the perfect image of God; who kept a nine month vigil while being knitted in my mother’s womb.
(Psalm 139)
Yet, God is a God who sees; whose fatherly love dried the eyes of His daughter one unlikely day around the dinner table.
With six siblings seated in their same exact seat throughout our growing up, eating and talking as we always did at the table, our brother said something out of the ordinary and to be honest, I don’t believe any of my siblings heard the conversation but me.
With five sisters seated next to each other, my brother proposed the question, “Guess who I think will be the prettiest girl when she’s all grown up?”
Lowering my head as the emotions tucked inside the jewelry box I saved were sadly stirred, believing my brother was talking about our oldest sister instead of me; yet to my astonishment, I heard my name from across the table.
I truly believe God muted this childhood scene among my other sisters, as they were created as equally fearfully and wonderfully.
But God longed to use my older brother to affirm a little girl like me, whose first grade smile now lit up her face.
Words are vessels for life or for death.
That evening at dinner, my brother’s words spoke life and volumes I’ve never forgotten; they remain hidden in my keepsake jewelry box to remind this daughter of her Father’s opinion when at times, I think otherwise.
Since that day of affirmation, I’ve grown into a woman fully aware of the love God has for me.
I have loved you with an everlasting love;
I have drawn you with loving kindness.
Jeremiah 31:3
So, what about that red hair, green eyes and face full of freckles?
I asked the question years later in my life; and oh, how amazingly God answered.
Our good Father whispered and pointed to the mirror of my reflection:
Oh daughter, your red hair is a gift from me; only 2% of little girls are strawberry blonde; red hair with green eyes are even more uncommon.
And those freckles…God leans in close to tell me a secret…
Your mother told you those freckles were kisses
From the S U N.
Well actually, your freckles are sweet kisses
From my S O N.
I celebrate the God who sees.
All grown up when I could have changed my hair to any color in the rainbow, I kept the gift God gave me…
Yes, God is so good to me.
God is so good to you.
I want my daughters and granddaughters, girls and women alike to rejoice in the God who made them fearfully and wonderfully…
Missing teeth and all…
He is a God who sees…
THE GOD WHO SEES
By Lori A Alicea
You knit me in my mother’s womb,
And wonderfully I’m made.
Created me so fearfully,
The days you watched, you stayed.
Not hidden in this secret place,
Your works, I praise for these.
Your eyes they saw my unformed self,
You are the God who sees.
How precious are your thoughts of me,
More than the grains of sand.
My days are written in your book,
One mind can’t understand.
You see me when I sleep at night,
You see when I’m awake.
You are the God who sees it all,
You see each breath I take.
Yes, I am yours and you are mine,
My heart, you have the keys.
You’ve drawn me Oh Beloved One,
You are the God who sees.
Psalms 139
Genesis 16:13
Solomon 6:3