Discovering those beautiful diamonds of God’s goodness and faithfulness while mining my rejection!
PART 1 OF 3
One summer morning a few years ago, I was honored to speak to a young mother’s group at my church called Just Among Moms.
Wanting to minister to a place of relevance with these nursing mothers who were much younger than my daughters, I went to my knees in prayer for divine direction from God.
Not wanting to go THERE and open up those old dusty chapters of my life’s story,
Yet God reminded me of His freedom and power to others
By the word of our testimony
(Revelations 12:11 NIV)
Hence the title of my message to those young mothers hungry for a NOW word from God:
WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?
Discovering the beautiful diamonds of God’s goodness and faithfulness
While mining my rejection!
By Lori A Alicea
Together, we are taking a tour down the streets and sights of my life from the perspective as I saw and experienced them dating back to before I was ever born.
I will introduce you to the joys and sorrows, the highs and lows, and the valleys and oh the gorgeous mountain tops of my experiences growing up.
You will discover soon enough how the treacherous travels through the valleys can leave you stranded if you’re not willing to continue the journey and walk in the steps God has ordained for our life.
Because you see, there is always a bigger picture to our story.
There is a VICTORY LAP to take with God as our tour guide if we are willing to stay seated, who will give us the breathtaking Birdseye view of our life from beginning to end, a storybook filled from cover to cover, with pages authored and written with the pen in His hand, telling of His goodness and faithfulness thru our own personal story.
Ready or not!!!
All aboard!
The time is now to take our seats on the bus.
If my husband only knew I was driving for this tour he would tell you all to
“Get out while you can!”
Because when I drive…
The air conditioner can be cooling…
But the windows are rolled down also,
Allowing the fresh air to blow thru our hair.
Seat belts must be fastened.
Hands stay inside the vehicle (per the safety police).
Cell phones off and quality time is on.
Enjoy your coffee, hold hands, and be at peace…
I stop for every rest area we see.
WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?
Questions I’ve been asking and struggling with for more than 40 years of my life.
Questions God will answer as our tour guide on the VICTORY LAP.
One of my favorite songs I remember singing as a child seated on the pews of the old country church my mother took us to was Blessed Assurance, especially when getting to the chorus…
BLESSED ASSURANCE
…This is My Story
Written by Fanny Crosby
Composer Phoebe Knapp
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long.
I praise the Lord with my song…
This is My Story…
THE SIGHTS OF GROWING UP
My mother’s life began among the stained glass windows and church pews where her own mother played piano. A surrendered life to God in salvation and baptism would be the spark that set Kingdom brush fires in the hearts of her future children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, only to set aflame those generations beyond her life.
Now, growing up in a family of six children, my mother passed on her old fashioned, spiritual heritage to us; the pews, the stain glassed windows, and hymns we’ve treasured throughout our lives.
My heart still leaps when I hear The Old Rugged Cross, How Great Thou Art, and I Surrender All played from the piano during worship at church. These songs never collect dust or lose their power. They resurrect that old reminder that God never changes; He is good and faithful yesterday, today, and forever.
So many questions though…
I questioned how God made me as a young first grader.
THE GOD WHO SEES (excerpt)
By Lori A Alicea
As a first grader I remember it all too well.
Maybe a bit dramatic for a little girl that young, but my emotions were real and tucked away in the jewelry box of a child’s heart for years.
I’ve never looked at myself through the lens of vanity, but I noticed early on that girls with more friends than me were blonde, blue eyed with creamy, clear skin.
I faced the mirror with red hair, green eyes and a face full of freckles; and as a student in the first grade, I also confronted my reflection, weeping from the sight of a few missing teeth.
Kids are cruel to each other, especially when your hair is red, or strawberry blonde as they called it back then, with green eyes and freckles to match.
As a young girl I sobbed an ocean many times before the Lord,
“Why did you make me this way?”
But God is a God who sees.
You are the God who sees me.
Genesis 16:13
I didn’t understand at this early age how I was fearfully and wonderfully made, formed and created in the perfect image of God; who kept a nine month vigil while knitted in my mother’s womb.
(Psalm 139)
Yes, God is a God who sees; whose fatherly love dried the eyes of His daughter when she least expected it.
THE GOD WHO SEES (excerpt end)
I questioned my earthly father’s love.
A FATHER’S BLESSING (excerpt)
By Lori A Alicea
I am the daughter of a navy seamen.
Dad never abandoned his six kids and that said a lot.
Dad worked hard and provided well with his two jobs; one at the mill and the other a mechanic at home; usually seven days each week.
Our cupboards were full and we as a family never lacked. Dad lived only what he knew; to work hard. What dad didn’t know though that while appreciative of his hand, I desperately wanted his time and his heart instead.
As a little girl I needed a daddy to tie ribbons in my hair, to hold me in his lap, to tuck me in at night, and when I grew up, to dance with me at my wedding.
While I believe my father did his very best and I never dishonored him for where he lacked, it just made it difficult in my life to relate to him and Daddy God.
The sun-up, sun-down hours my father worked took its toll on a lonely young girl longing for his attention. Watching my father from the kitchen window looking into the garage where he worked as a mechanic for a second source of income, I always wished my dad would take a day off and spend it with me.
A FATHER’S BLESSING (excerpt end)
WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?
Parts 2 and 3 TO BE CONTINUED…
Wow! What an opening .Can not wait to hear the rest of your story and especially your song .I hope it’s soon . .Many blessings on you as you drive your bus.And I as a passenger. The beginning of the ride is beautiful as you speak of your dad and mom.And the reality of some girls and boys thoughts of themselves.But OUR LOVING FATHER .So beautifully describe every tear he sees and feels are saddened heart. Love you sweet sister in Christ.
I sure appreciate this. Thank you friend.
Beautiful, Lori. I love when you tell your story is it encourages me to tell mine. We all need to tell the old stories. We all need to go back to the old hymns so that it raises within our souls and spirits of what we were taught back in the days of loving God with all our young hearts, souls and minds. The white church steeple, the wooden church pews, and the stained glass windows all bring me back to my little church in Fair Oaks, Indiana. The heartaches, hurts, and longings to have fathers that would pull us up onto their laps, protect us, and spend time with us also echoes in the chambers of my heart. But the Father’s Love from our Heavenly Father replaces everything that we longed for and missed. I can’t wait to read the rest of the story as you continue to take us on the bus ride of your growing up. Thank you, my dear friend, for sharing your life and heart with us!
Thank you for this heart gush! Sure blessed me.